The days are becoming warmer and the nights becoming more mild. Most nights I get to sleep with the ambience of my neighborhood lulling me about.

The sound of wind passing through the house, carrying with it some chirp or ruffle from the outside world.

The distant yawn of some far away freight train blasting its horn through a neighborhood, the occasional growl or two of a speed demons racing on the interstate.

The curious sound of a neighbor shuffling into their home late at night. The smell of a damp fire in the distance.

The feeling of my dog adjusting at my feet.

..The sense of being alive.

The peace of knowing I'm exactly where I need to be, and the gratitude for my senses and being able to experience this wonderful existence.

Javier

A lifetime ago I had a job for a short period of time in a local computer repair shop. Whatever you've just imagined about this job is probably wrong. This computer repair shop existed in a sliver of a storefront wedged between two failing businesses. The staff consisted of a lady who owned the place, who spoke with a very thick Spanish accent. I don't know her country or origin, but what I do know is that English was not her first language.

A bit more context: This was in a town that touted it's bounds in diversity, also self segregated its various communities into the different areas of the town. That in and of itself is an interesting topic that I might write about in the future. Going against the grain that is the status quo of this community, the shop was set up in an area of town that was for being designated as a Hispanic area.

Just to clarify, the concept of "Hispanic Area", "Black Area", "White Area", etc. in this town went back several decades to the Civil Rights movement era. The town was a boiling pot for racial inclusion as well as racial conflict. Needless to say, it was quite an interesting area to grow up in. My point in saying this is, I did not come up with the terms for these areas.

So here I was, maybe 18 years old. My only real job prior to this was working in a restaurant as a "bus boy" as they are called (the person who clears  and sets the tables for the guests). While I enjoyed the little bits of money coming in, I also felt like I was draining a part of me away. The part that wanted to be passionate about the work that I do. That being said, I decided to look for jobs elsewhere, in hopes to find something that jived with my passions a bit more.

The outcome of this quest was a job at Best Buy, which gave me the experience needed to later work for a technology company. But that's not what this entry is about.

This entry is about a man who's name I don't remember. Let's call him Javier, as that's what my memory recalls his name was, but again this was a lifetime ago and my memory is a bit hazy on the details.

This man was the power house workhorse of the computer repair shop. A customer would come in, and explain their issues to the woman who owned the store. That lady would then translate the problem to Javier, and he would either say "yeah we can do it" or "nope, we can't do that". Javier was this companies secret weapons. This man did not speak a lick of English, and there were times when it was just myself and Javier in the shop. We would use google translate to communicate with each other. While this meant that the depth of our relationship was somewhat limited, I feel like we got along pretty well within the limited scope that we could.

In the event that the customer brought in a repair that they could work on in shop, which was the majority of the time, Javier would take the computer to the back of the shop and begin working. How could you work on repairing technology when the vast majority of documentation is written in a language you do not understand?

It's simple really. Youtube. One of the methods that Javier used to determine whether or not the computer could be fixed was, typing the model number of the device in youtube. If there was a video showing how to disassemble and reassemble the device, he would give the green light. Without reliably knowing how to understand or speak English, he would put a video on, mute the audio, pop in some earphones, and get to work.

Laptop after laptop, phone after phone, desktop after desktop, printer after printer, this guy was just pumping out repaired devices. Each and every step along the way, he would reference the video, watch what is demonstrated, perform that step. Rinse, and repeat.

Some time ago this experience re-entered my mind. Sometimes it feels like you've bitten off more than you can chew in life. Sometimes imposter syndrome hits hard and you wonder if you're even qualified to do whatever it is you do.

But just remind yourself that those thoughts do no service to you. Javier surely felt like an imposter at times, living in a country who's language he did not understand, struggling to find understanding of a system through visual demonstration, etc. But he kept going. I have no idea where he is today, but I hope this man has found himself a place where he can lean into and embrace this incredible skill in a way that leads him to great successes.

Dice

Driving past the light of

promises once made,

as the dreams so

distant begin to fade.

Memories of looking into

the future once full of

hope now seem so naive.

When will destiny roll her dice again

and where will they land?

or when do i get to

play my hand?

Not much

Today is the first day in 3 months that I've considered writing a blog entry.

I haven't had much to say since then, but I'm hopeful that will soon change.

I don't even have much to say today, but going through the motions of writing an entry on here might change that.

Some times you have a lot to say, other times you don't.

It's a flip of a coin, random happenstance.

Some days I have more to say than other days.

Amorphous

The beauty in life may be captured in images, songs, and in writing. In current times it often feels as though written word is forgotten amongst the clutter that is the effervescent state of the internet. Staking a space within this chaotic existence can seem daunting at times, but the release that writing provides is one to revel in.

For this reason, I tame my attempts to remain structured and disciplined in my writing. Simply allowing the words to paint themselves onto the blank canvas of the page is something I find great joy in.

Ever since I can remember, writing has been a foundational part of my being. From the days of grade school I have found peace in this art form, and I implore you to do the same. No matter what media or form your art takes, expression should be a significant part of your life. Long ago I wrote music that others would resonate with, yet when I found myself writing music for the sake of others, I would pivot as quickly as possible. While peer validation is a natural part of the human condition, I found great pleasure in writing what come directly from my being, in the form of music at least.

I take the same stance with writing. I've mentioned in previous entries that I may at some time form some structure of writing, but I am in no hurry. The greatest joy I may find from writing almost always flourishes from a state where I place as little bearing on the structure of my writing as possible. The most difficult endeavors I take in writing are those which require a prompt of some sort.

So, yet again I write another entry about writing. Maybe it's a gentle nudge to myself that if I keep writing in this form, I will eventually find some structure or discipline within, yet I do not seek it overtly.

Life is full of moments which require discipline and structure, and while I strive for this in nearly every other facet of my life, this is not the place nor time for it.

There is often underlying beauty in chaos that requires some alternate perspective to perceive, yet it is often overlooked.

As mentioned in a previous post, I intend to conclude each entry with a moment of beauty, and here it is:

Each time I write, I'm presented with the familiar blank canvas. Within intent, words simply flow from my fingertips and onto the screen. In some ways that itself is a miracle in itself. To express ones self in a pure form is not to be taken for granted.

A bit about the blog:

I've revisited the theming of this blog and opted for a more simplistic design. This mainly to ease the eyes of my readers, but also in part because my previous theme was incomplete, and each time I set out to write an entry, I was reminded of it's incompleteness. My approach on this blog was to create a space with the least possible friction and complexity, as I know very well that I create complexity in all other aspects in my life. There are plenty of times and places where complexity has it's purpose, but a space such as this certainly is not that.

Thank you for reading. If you have found my writing to be of interest to you, please create an account and subscribe via email to get receive new entries in your inbox.

Until next time.. stay interesting! :)

Perception

At times life can be difficult, and at times feel unfair. Then there are moments where suddenly the magic that is life hits you, and you're swept off of your feet. I remember some years ago that life seemed to be teeming with magic. A step outside and nature would sweep me off of my feet. Seeing a few robins in the morning would amaze me, and feeling a breath of wind would feel as if mother nature took a giant gasping breath. I am reminded of these times more often now than I have been in the previous months or years. There was a time when being unable to see the magic of everyday moments would frustrate me, and other times it would depress me.

The past few years have been incredibly trying, and I have realized that my personal outlook on life had suffered greatly due to the experience. Experiencing my mother abruptly losing here battle cancer, watching as my niece-in-law slowly seeped into the underworld that is addiction and eventually becoming a casualty to the lifestyle she was lead towards, forcibly disconnecting all social interactions with my friends and family due to a global pandemic, and accepting that political unrest lead me to realize how polarized our country can be, to name a few. Maybe it's the changing of the seasons. Maybe it's stepping towards reaching a personal goal that I've had for a long time (I've toyed with the idea of writing on this topic, but don't want to count my eggs before they hatch), or some combination of adding a bit of exercise and conscious eating into my routine. Whatever the cause, I'm beginning to feel the magic entering my life yet again.

Yesterday I spent several hours with two of my kids in the woods. One of my favorite things to do, as far back as childhood, is getting lost in the woods. Relying on your sense of smell and hearing to guide you in your intended direction while noticing a striking resemblance to the plant or whatever it may be that you past moments ago just to realize that you've made a giant loop and are headed in the opposite direction you intended to. Then, back to the senses. Personally in these moments I experience some sort of subtle subconscious panic. I have after all lead my kids into the wilderness and they assume that I will keep them safe. Following this is usually a reminder that I tell myself something along the lines of "this park only spans a few miles". So I relinquish trust in my sense of vision and begin relying on my other senses. To the east of us is a stream and to the west is a road. I stop for a moment and ask my children to be silent. The sound of the stream is directly ahead of us and a vehicle passing in the distance behind us. We follow our steps back towards the most noticeable trail, and suddenly we discover we are just around the bend from the main trail.

Somewhere in this experience is a metaphor for life. Often times the difficulty or unfairness we might experience in life is just surface deep. When we are willing to look past our relationship with what we are immediately experiencing, we make room in our perception of our lives to allow for the magic to return. This is a concept that I have been working through for quite some time, and recently a friend of mine mailed me a book ("Flow: The Psychology of Optical Experience") which dives deeply into this concept. While I'm admittedly a slow reader, I've made some progress on reading this book over the last few weeks. If I were to summarize the overarching message of this book, it's that we as individuals have a habit to confine our perception of reality into that which we are experiencing in the moment. Each of us has our own relationships to these experiences, and the ability to transform these relationships into a positive or negative experience. Our biological programming designed for survival often leads us towards perceiving experiences as existential threats. With a bit of intention and conscious effort we can train ourselves to appreciate the magic that exists in life, and overcome our powerful instincts that leads us to perceive everyday activities as existential threats.

In moments when we harness our abilities to do so, difficulties and unfairness becomes lessons for the present and future, and suddenly we experience the magic that life has to offer us.

Thank you for reading!

Stream of prose

As my fingertips grace the keys of my keyboard a sort of fission appears invisibly. Perhaps some form of possession in a positive form, never has it harmed. Conscious thought split apart and a flow of feeling converted to words ensues. Fluid and lucid come the words, albeit with little structure, and alas the thoughts are set free. Free from confinement of the internalized form, and free from the conduct of unstructured thought.

Words spew from my fingertips as thoughts cross my mind, and through a complex sequence of events the words appear in front of my eyes. Similarly a pen and paper reveal the same magic, yet seemingly ephemeral in today's age as volumes of documents lie within the archives of the libraries of the world. Silted with a layer of dust last stirred by a time long ago, yet of as much value as the moment the thought was conceived.

A mind cannot be free until it frees itself, and my how we have much on our minds today. From longing for those lost to lusting over dreams of our future, all whilst containing the self within the moment. Bearing as it may be, there is a release to be found within.

Epithet

Who?

Hi, I'm Epithet. Not really, but that's the name I'm going with on here.

While I was looking for another name to use on my blog I came across a word that, to put it roughly, means another word for a word, and it felt right. The word Epithet has multiple definitions, but the intended meaning of the name Epithet is this definition:

ep·​i·​thet | *ˈe-pə-ˌthet also -thət * : characterizing word or phrase accompanying or occurring in place of the name of a person or thing.

What?

This is a personal blog where I will post updates, thoughts, writings, and maybe just share some stuff that I found interesting. I made this site because my experience on the internet has just not doing it for me anymore. Social media feels less personal, forums feel less like communities, and so on. In a way the web feels pretty generic. A place once filled with endless offerings of personalized home pages and limitless exploration now feels like a selection of a few generic options that compete to keep you captivated and satisfied with their offerings. This site is my attempt at contributing towards a more personal experience on the web.

Why?

Between lack of meaningful connections, algorithmically induced political arguments with family, infinite echo chambers of extremism, and meaningless positive affirmations incorrectly attributed to Abe Lincoln, I decided it was time to turn off the information fire-hose that we have come to know as the web.

I don't expect everyone to share that sentiment, but my hope is that my friends and family will (with some deliberate effort) engage with me on this site.

What now?

~~As of writing this, I have some plans for this blog. There will be a conveniently placed "Contact" page where you can do the equivalent of "posting on my wall". Each post I make on here will have a "Reply" section, where you can reply with a "comment".~~ All the familiar facets of social media should exist here, albeit maybe not as straight forward and (as of writing this) not presented in a "calming blue" theme.

Thanks for taking a break from your normal routine to read this.